Technology Rules (when it doesn't drool, that is)

This morning I am watching Wimbledon with my roommate. We are watching the men's final between Roddick and Federer. It's been fun to watch it, but with the power of technology, I am also watching it with my good friend in England, another friend in Thailand and others across the US and Canada. So fun!! Now that is the beauty of technology at it's best.

Summer School

So in my new found poverty as a US public school teacher, I've landed a job as a summer school teacher (THANK YOU JESUS!!). It's just 18 days of instruction and, thankfully, in kindergarten I only have beginning and end of term testing to do. Although it is hard to test a group of kindergartners who are sent to summer school because they simply could not meet the end of year York County benchmarks of being a Rigby reading level 3, writing full and complete sentences, and being able to independently work at a grade 1 level math (beginning grade 1). The kids are sweet and the instruction is simple but it is a challenge to keep them on task for 2 hours of language development and 2 hours of math instruction. I also LOVE that every day is a half day and every weekend is a long weekend.
So for those of you wondering, that is what I am doing with at least 18 days of my summer... good times!!

Ho House

So yesterday in an effort to cheer me up, my roommate decided we would treat ourselves to yummy Five Guys cheese burgers (seriously the BEST I've ever had) and some movies in our house with our other good friend. So I did just that because at least I wouldn't have to go out. But then I did have to go out to get the burgers (always nice when your eyes are still recovering in their red puffiness from the previous days' struggle to understand what is next in life). But then we sat and ate our burgers, joked, laughed, vented about life in general and had a great time watching a couple of videos. It was awesome and I felt so cheered that I agreed to go out for a drink and some appies. We hit the Green Leaf where they had an outdoor patio and a couple of guys doing live music. It was great and the martinis hit the spot and brightened my mood... the service of the place sucked, but the company was great. Once we got our buzz on we decided we were ready for location 2. Our friend suggested the Ho House. Now, this cracks me up every time. I really have a hard time going to a place that is called the Ho House without thinking of "ladies of the night." The real name for the place is the Hospitality House. It is near the College of William and Mary and is a hotel with restaurants and bars inside. We had the best time... good drinks, good convo, good music and dancing and loads of funny people to watch!!

It's About Choice

I've been reading the comments of my good friends on here and on my facebook account in regards to my last entry and I have been learning a lot. I've been learning that you are all so wise and wonderful and caring. I really could not ask for more than what you have given me.

One of the things that I read over and over is that it comes down to choice at the end of the day: LOVE IS A CHOICE. I understand the feeling of attraction, of destiny, of divine appointment. But at the end of the day, there comes a time when a crisis lurks, stress overtakes or age and years together causes the memory of the first inklings of love to diminish or even be forgotten. And that is where choice comes in. When times are tough and you feel doubt, you have to choose. You can either choose to stay committed and to love that person (hopefully your best friend, lover and partner in life) or you can choose to walk away. That is the scariest part to me. What if I choose to love and Kelvin chooses to walk away? Who is truly left with no choice? Me...

Even though I am frightened and I have no idea what will come of this nearly two year relationship... I choose to love. I am taking that risk, even though it seems overwhelming that I may not be met with the same choice from the person I love. I have to accept that risk, I have to respect his choice (even God respects our right to choose... He gave us the free will to choose in the first place), and if need be, I have to choose to pick myself up and move on.

Oh... I seem so strong, stoic and the picture of the modern woman, right? Truth be told.... I am terrified of it all. Knowing your own choice but not theirs at the moment is heartbreaking in it's own way. I know I'll be fine, come what may (how can I not be, with these wise and wonderful friends at my side - near or far?) but it doesn't make it less frightening or torturing to just sit and wait.

I've prayed, I've cried and I've poured out my thoughts and heart here on this site... there is nothing left to do but wait respectfully and accept the choices of others and myself...

Shock...

Today I learned that a person I went to school with was shot by the RCMP in my home town during an investigation. It is so shocking to think that you flip open your laptop and see a curious headline about your small hometown and that you actually know the person involved. I am sad that the sleepy little town of Gibsons is changing in this way. It has always been a place where people could feel as though they were nestled into the hillside of a safe, tight knit community. But it seems that things are changing and it is becoming a place where people aren't the same. I know that a shooting here or there doesn't spell the end of an era necessarily, but I find that it is a far cry from the place I went to school. I still love it there and will always consider it home in my heart... but I am saddened and shocked that this happened. I guess the adage that things never stay the same is true... even when you aren't sure you want it to be.

When Do You Know?

I've been together with Kelvin for nearly two years and I can't imagine my life without him in any way but lately we've both had these doubts floating around in our heads about when do you know that the timing is right for marriage or that you are 100% sure that this is the direction you are meant to go... Last night we openly and honestly discussed our fears and concerns (which I think was really healthy) but nothing really got resolved. I don't feel like our relationship is in jeopardy of falling apart or anything, nor am I concerned that our love is dying but I do feel some stress.
A few months ago, we were both struggling through life changes (me being here, him being there and going through his retirement, his son's graduation, his 40th b-day coming up and becoming a grandfather this summer) and I became VERY insecure in where our relationship stood. I felt sure that it was falling apart, that he wasn't interested in being with me anymore and that I had to come to terms with starting over... I really also struggled with what society tells me is the right timing in a relationship. I'd had friends and family telling me that we should be engaged or moved in together by now... that Kelvin needed to move forward, make a formal commitment etc. I bought into all that and allowed it to create additional stress in my life and I brought that to our relationship (which you can imagine caused some pressure and stress). And then I took it to God and I prayed... really and truly prayed over this relationship (something I hadn't done in a long time) and I felt a peace over me. I felt like this wasn't the time to listen to the outside world and this was a time to step back a little, to not pressure Kelvin in any way and to just relax. And that is what I have been trying to do more and more. Times are hard for my man and I love him enough to grant him the space he needs to deal with this in his time.
And now Kelvin is feeling like he isn't being fair to me by making me wait until his life is settled again. He officially retires in October and starts his second career sometime after that. He is struggling to walk away from the one thing that has been physically constant in his life for the last 21 years (his military career) and he feels like he is dragging me through all this stress and that it's unfair (I on the other hand feel like it is the most natural thing in the world to help him through this time and to put his needs first at this time... but he wants to think of my needs first). And lately, he has been feeling the same external pressures from society that I was feeling before and it is just adding to the stress that is already overwhelming him. He also is so stressed about being perfect in a future marriage with me. Kelvin has been married before and has watched that fall apart. He knows now what went wrong and how much hurt was caused by it all and he can't bear to repeat that. He also is terrified to not do this right with me since it would be a first marriage for me. He has all these expectations that he has placed on himself from past experiences and from a Biblical perspective and it stresses him out a lot (which is the last thing he needs right now... and which I think can wait until other things settle into place).
Last night we had a wonderful honest discussion about all of this for about 3 hours and it was so good. It was so good for him to release his fears and stresses and it was so good for me to be on the listening end for a change... but the question still remains: How do you know when you are ready for marriage? How do you know that time is right?

The New Place...

Okay... this is part of the living room in the new apartment. It's our little bar area. Nothing too crazy, just kind of fun.




This is the hallway leading to my roommate's bedroom.


This is from the hallway, facing into the living room. We get so much natural light. I love it!!!!


We have two entrances for our apartment. One is directly into the living room and the other is from the inside of the building into the hallway leading down into the apartment. This is the indoor entrance. We don't really use it for that so we kept it super simple with the decorations.


This is the hallway from the living room back towards that indoor entrance seen in the picture above.


This is our living room and going into the kitchen. Ignore the garbage in the kitchen, this was the first day we were finally done with the unpacking!


Okay... my favourite find for the new place? This bag caddy for the door!! This is the one in my room and my roomie has one too (Kelvin, aren't you happy that they aren't just laying all over the place? And my shoes are in neat containers under my bed)!!

This is my reading nook in my bedroom. It is very simple but I love it.



This is my bed... duh!! I made the bookshelf on the left all by myself though, pretty cool, eh?


My closet. It is a walk in and about twice what you see here. And it is almost completely full, although some of the stuff belongs to my roomie.... we share since she got the smaller room and closet.


This is the view of the tub made for giants!! I could barely reach the shower rod to hang my shower curtain. It was hilarious. I feel so little when I shower in there, and that is a very rare thing for me to feel.

The sink etc. I am pretty sure you all don't need a picture of my toilet, so I will stop the tour here. I hope you enjoyed seeing my little home... I really love being in it. It is so spacious and comfortable. I love it!!!