The Observations of Strangers

So yesterday I was grocery shopping (I am going back to an Atkins style approach with my diet) when a stranger made an observation about me and it got me thinking. Here is my best recollection of what happened: I was in the ethnic food aisle when an attractive African American man came by and said, "You look so sad... and you are too beautiful to be sad." I, of course, started and then laughed and said "Thank you!" A little later he passed me again in another aisle and said, "I hope that whoever he is, he is taking good care of you!" To which I replied, "He does."

Now, I know that the last part was him hitting on me (which was much appreciated....it always a nice thing to have someone make a pass at you). But it was the first statement that he made (which I also know was part of him hitting on me) that got me to thinking. I don't see myself as a sad person, but he seemed to see that in me. I began to wonder what others see in me that I don't. Have you ever looked at a stranger and seen more about them in that one look than you see about yourself in the mirror? I think I have a time or two... it's interesting what is revealed when we aren't guarding ourselves.

Art Work

Big Girls and Bikinis

As a North American growing up, I always thought that bikinis were for the skinny chicks. If you had the right body, you were meant to flaunt it. Then I moved to Asia and that was driven further into me just by being around all those skinny chicks. In fact, I kind of had the feeling that all clothes were intended for the skinny chicks of the world (wait, that may have been because clothing above a size 10 was simply not available when I first moved to Korea). Then came the magic of moving to Oman. It was there that I learned to love and appreciate my curves. It was there that I bought my first 2 piece swimsuit and a love affair was born! After that, I let my my swimwear get smaller and my confidence grow bigger. Now that I am living the the USA (land of the skinny bikini babe), I wondered if I could survive with my confidence and big girl curves. Well, I can and I am here to tell you that you can too! Yesterday I went to the pool at my apartment complex in a bikini. I had to wear my iPod so that I wouldn't hear the uncultured, rude and unnecessary comments of anyone at the pool, but I got there, took off my wrap and layed out in the glorious Virgina sunshine. But guess what, not another soul was at the pool!! hahaha But people did show up near the end of the time I was going to be there, so I felt brave!
So big girls, wear your two piece or one piece suits and be proud!!

Technology Rules (when it doesn't drool, that is)

This morning I am watching Wimbledon with my roommate. We are watching the men's final between Roddick and Federer. It's been fun to watch it, but with the power of technology, I am also watching it with my good friend in England, another friend in Thailand and others across the US and Canada. So fun!! Now that is the beauty of technology at it's best.

Summer School

So in my new found poverty as a US public school teacher, I've landed a job as a summer school teacher (THANK YOU JESUS!!). It's just 18 days of instruction and, thankfully, in kindergarten I only have beginning and end of term testing to do. Although it is hard to test a group of kindergartners who are sent to summer school because they simply could not meet the end of year York County benchmarks of being a Rigby reading level 3, writing full and complete sentences, and being able to independently work at a grade 1 level math (beginning grade 1). The kids are sweet and the instruction is simple but it is a challenge to keep them on task for 2 hours of language development and 2 hours of math instruction. I also LOVE that every day is a half day and every weekend is a long weekend.
So for those of you wondering, that is what I am doing with at least 18 days of my summer... good times!!

Ho House

So yesterday in an effort to cheer me up, my roommate decided we would treat ourselves to yummy Five Guys cheese burgers (seriously the BEST I've ever had) and some movies in our house with our other good friend. So I did just that because at least I wouldn't have to go out. But then I did have to go out to get the burgers (always nice when your eyes are still recovering in their red puffiness from the previous days' struggle to understand what is next in life). But then we sat and ate our burgers, joked, laughed, vented about life in general and had a great time watching a couple of videos. It was awesome and I felt so cheered that I agreed to go out for a drink and some appies. We hit the Green Leaf where they had an outdoor patio and a couple of guys doing live music. It was great and the martinis hit the spot and brightened my mood... the service of the place sucked, but the company was great. Once we got our buzz on we decided we were ready for location 2. Our friend suggested the Ho House. Now, this cracks me up every time. I really have a hard time going to a place that is called the Ho House without thinking of "ladies of the night." The real name for the place is the Hospitality House. It is near the College of William and Mary and is a hotel with restaurants and bars inside. We had the best time... good drinks, good convo, good music and dancing and loads of funny people to watch!!

It's About Choice

I've been reading the comments of my good friends on here and on my facebook account in regards to my last entry and I have been learning a lot. I've been learning that you are all so wise and wonderful and caring. I really could not ask for more than what you have given me.

One of the things that I read over and over is that it comes down to choice at the end of the day: LOVE IS A CHOICE. I understand the feeling of attraction, of destiny, of divine appointment. But at the end of the day, there comes a time when a crisis lurks, stress overtakes or age and years together causes the memory of the first inklings of love to diminish or even be forgotten. And that is where choice comes in. When times are tough and you feel doubt, you have to choose. You can either choose to stay committed and to love that person (hopefully your best friend, lover and partner in life) or you can choose to walk away. That is the scariest part to me. What if I choose to love and Kelvin chooses to walk away? Who is truly left with no choice? Me...

Even though I am frightened and I have no idea what will come of this nearly two year relationship... I choose to love. I am taking that risk, even though it seems overwhelming that I may not be met with the same choice from the person I love. I have to accept that risk, I have to respect his choice (even God respects our right to choose... He gave us the free will to choose in the first place), and if need be, I have to choose to pick myself up and move on.

Oh... I seem so strong, stoic and the picture of the modern woman, right? Truth be told.... I am terrified of it all. Knowing your own choice but not theirs at the moment is heartbreaking in it's own way. I know I'll be fine, come what may (how can I not be, with these wise and wonderful friends at my side - near or far?) but it doesn't make it less frightening or torturing to just sit and wait.

I've prayed, I've cried and I've poured out my thoughts and heart here on this site... there is nothing left to do but wait respectfully and accept the choices of others and myself...